https://youtu.be/SZ9ZRRYx_SM?si=fFo0zILWJUdlf7us
"How Not to Manage" Quotations
These are perfect for sliding into a presentation to get
those knowing nods and chuckles.
- On
Planning: "Planning is the process of making many mistakes on
paper so that you can make them later in real life at a much higher
cost."
- On
Scope Creep: "If you don't know where you are going, any road
will get you there—and you’ll probably be asked to pave it along the
way."
- On
Deadlines: "I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they
make as they go by." (Douglas Adams)
- The
Golden Rule of Estimates: "The first 90% of a project takes 90%
of the time. The last 10% takes the other 90% of the time."
The "Anti-Project Manager" Jokes
You can frame these as "Pro-tips for guaranteed project
failure."
1. The Power of "Optimism"
A project manager, a developer, and a designer find an old
lamp and a genie pops out. He offers them one wish each.
- The designer
says, "I want to be on a beach in Goa with no client feedback
forever!" Poof, he’s gone.
- The developer
says, "I want to be in a mountain cabin with 10Gbps internet and no
bugs!" Poof, he’s gone.
- The Project
Manager looks at the empty chairs and says, "I want those two
back in their seats by 2:00 PM for the status meeting."
2. Strategic Communication
A Project Manager is walking down the street when a frog
calls out, "If you kiss me, I’ll turn into a world-class Scrum
Master!" The PM picks up the frog and puts it in his pocket. The frog
screams, "Hey! Didn't you hear me? I said I'll turn into a Scrum
Master!" The PM looks at the frog and says, "Look, I’m a Project
Manager. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog? That’s a
deliverable I can actually sell."
3. The "Classic" Definition
Q: How many Project Managers does it take to change a
lightbulb? A: None. They just form a committee to decide that the
darkness is actually a "feature" of the room and move the deadline
for sunrise.
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