COAS Gen Upendra Dwivedi, PVSM, AVSM PROFESSIONAL READING LIST-

 This reading list is curated to inspire growth, enhance leadership skills, and foster critical thinking. Each book has been selected for its unique insights and relevance. The list is divided into five categories: Strat Environment, Leadership, Military Studies, Technology and General Reading with an aim to steer the reader on the genres they are interested in. I encourage you not to limit yourself to this list but expand your perspectives through continuous reading. Please do note that the appearance of a book on this reading list does not imply that COAS endorses the authors views. - Gen Upendra Dwivedi, PVSM, AVSM

world Order Henry Kissinger// Penguin Books, 2014; Cumulative Rating: 4.4 Henry Kissinger offers in World Order a deep meditation on the roots of international harmony and global disorder. Drawing on his experience as one of the foremost Statesmen of the modern era byadvising Presidents, traveling the world, observing and shaping the central foreign policy events of recent decades. Kissinger reveals his analysis of the ultimate challenge for the TwentyFirst Century. Brings out his perspective of a shared international order in a world of divergent historical perspectives, violent conflict, proliferating technology, and ideological extremism. 

How India Sees the World Shyam Saran // Juggurnaut, 2017; Cumulative Rating : 4.07 In his book, part memoir and part thesis on India’s international relations since Independence, Shyam Saran discerns the threads that tie together his experiences as a diplomat. Using the prism of Kautilya’s Arthashastra and other ancient treatises on statecraft, Saran shows the historical sources of India’s worldview. He looks at India’s neighborhood and the changing wider world through this lens and arrives at fascinating conclusions. 

Perception and Misperception in International Politics R Jervis // Princeton University Press, 1976; Cumulative Rating : 4.38 The perspective established by Jervis remains an important counterpoint to structural explanations of international politics. From it, he has developed a large literature on the psychology of leaders and the problems of decision making under conditions of incomplete information, stress, and cognitive bias. Finally, the author tests his ideas through a number of important events in international relations from Nineteenth- and Twentieth-century European history. War & Change in World Politics R Gilpin // Cambridge University Press, 1981; Cumulative Rating : 4.28 

War & Change in World Politics introduces the reader to an important new theory of international political change. Arguing that the fundamental nature of international relations has not changed over the millennia, Professor Gilpin uses history, sociology, and economic theory to identify the forces causing change in the world order. The discussion focuses on the differential growth of power in the international system and the result of this unevenness. 

Arms and Influence Thomas C. Schelling // Yale University Press, 2020; Cumulative Rating : 4.19 Originally published in 1966, in this landmark book, Nobel laureate Thomas C. Schelling considers the ways in which military capabilities (real or imagined) are used as bargaining power. It emphasizes how the possession of military capabilities can shape international negotiations & decision making. The book highlights the importance of signaling and communication in the realm of military strategy. S

Classical Insults of Olden Era.-RAVI MAHAJAN

 

These glorious insults are from an era when cleverness with words was still valued, before a great proportion of insults became 4-letter words.

1. The exchange between Churchill & Lady Astor: She said, "If you were my husband I'd give you poison," and he said, "If you were my wife, I'd drink it."
2. A member of Parliament to Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease." "That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "whether I embrace your policies or your mistress."
3. "He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." -- Winston Churchill
4. "A modest little person, with much to be modest about." -- Winston Churchill
5. "I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." -- Clarence Darrow
6. "He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary." -- William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).

"Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?" -- Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner)
7. "Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it." -- Moses Hadas
8. "I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." --Mark Twain
9. "He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends." -- Oscar Wilde
10. "I am enclosing two tickets to the FIRST NIGHT of my new play; bring a friend... if you have one." -- George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill

"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... if there is one." -- Winston Churchill, in response.
11. "I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here." -- Stephen Bishop
12. "He is a self-made man and worships his creator." -- John Bright
13. "I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial." -- Irvin S. Cobb
14. "He is not only dull himself, he is the cause of dullness in others." -- Samuel Johnson
15. "There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure." -- Jack E. Leonard
16. "They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge." -- Thomas Brackett Reed
17. "In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily." -- Charles, Count Talleyrand
18. "He loves nature in spite of what it did to him." -- Forrest Tucker
19. "Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?" -- Mark Twain
20. "Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go." -- Oscar Wilde
21. "He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support rather than illumination." -- Andrew Lang (1844-1912)
22. "He has Van Gogh's ear for music.." -- Billy Wilder
23. "I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." -- Groucho Marx

Simple Memory Tricks That Help Me Every Single Day...

How many times have you forgotten your password for something, your friend's phone number, the address for the office or the name of that guy you used to know? Sometimes we forget where we put our keys or if we turned off the oven, and when we forget, that can really take us out of balance. Here are some simple tricks to remember these things, despite our difficulties. Forgetting Boring or Mundane Details Memory - Tricks - Help Problem: You tend to forget meetings, addresses, passwords and phone numbers, as well as historic dates and birthdays. Don't take it hard. In a reality where we are flooded with huge amounts of information, the brain isn't able to process everything at once. Even though it has a folder called 'declarative memory' where it plans to keep factual information of this kind, it isn't made to remember such things, and if we don't make a special effort to remember these facts, they will have a short shelf-life. Solution: The only way to turn boring information into part of our long-term memory is to store it correctly so we can access it later. If we don't make a conscious effort, it will be gone. The best way to do this is to add meanings, as we are configured to remember such things. For example: Connect a memory to something else you never forget, like a holiday. "My niece's birthday is 2 weeks after New Year's Eve." Another great way to remember boring facts and lists is to construct a short and simple story. For instance, if you need to remember a list of numbers, break them down into a few numbers and give each a part of the story. So, if you need to remember the number 821576 (as a password or code), you can imagine a story in which an 82-year-old grandfather has 15 grandchildren and is married to a 76-year-old named Margaret. The more details you give the story (his name is Jack and he is a retired race car driver), the easier it will be to recall these numbers. Forgetting to Carry Out Automatic Tasks Memory - Tricks - Help Problem: You don't remember if you turned the stove off, turned on the washing machine or made sure no lights are left on in the house. While we do these automatic tasks, we use the 'Procedural memory', the memory we use to store chains of actions (a simple one would be to first check if any lights are on, then to turn them off). This type of long-term memory is used to carry out action chains we learned, like riding a bicycle, tying our shoelaces or making coffee. Because of the automatic nature of this action, we usually don't really concentrate on doing it, and just let our body go through the motions. Solution: In most cases in which we think we forgot to do something like this, we probably DID remember to do it. But, if you find yourselves constantly doubting yourself, attach another action to the action you're obsessing about, and use it to make sure you remember doing it. For example, every time you turn off the stove, say loudly: "I turned off the stove", or take a long sip of water. Any action that will be easy to remember will help. Then when you doubt yourself it will be much easier to remember if you have something else to remember. Forgetting People's Names Memory - Tricks - Help Problem: You run into someone you met a few days ago, but you already forgot their name! You're not alone - this is one of the most common memory problems. The problem could be in the storage of the memory (you didn't pay much attention when you met the person) or in retrieval (you can't get out the name when it counts), or just a combination of both. Solution: Most people learn visually instead of orally, which explains why we usually remember faces, but are quite bad with names. Next time you meet someone new, look at them really well and repeat their name for yourself at least three times. Use it in the conversation, as we tend to remember those better than just names. Try giving the name meaning, or rhyme it. For example, if you meet a man named Mark, you can secretly call him: "Mark of the Ark", or imagine him marking a paper. We know it sounds silly, but the more extra meanings you give to a word, the easier it will be to remember it! Remembering a collection of sounds is much harder than trying to remember an association. You Get Distracted Memory - Tricks - Help Problem: You go into a room and forget why you did so. You were looking for something, got distracted by the dog or something on TV, and then suddenly you can't remember what it was! Solution: Get a mental image of the thing you are looking for before you go look for it. If need be, associate that object with other objects or a logical chain of actions. So for instance, if you are on your way to the storage room to find your old bathing suit, on your way think of summer, pools and sunshine. This type of mental organization makes these associations to your current situation easier, and when you get there, you will not lose track of what you were doing. If you do still find yourself in that situation, ask yourself: What was the chain of actions that brought me here? The little things you were doing just before this will give you a clue as to what you are doing there. Losing Daily Items Memory - Tricks - Help Problem: You don't remember where you put the keys, wallet or your sunglasses. This is usually an attention problem. When we go into the house in a huff, while lost in thought or maybe talking on the phone, our mind wanders and we might place objects in various places without remembering where. As usual, if we don't make it clear to the brain that we must remember these things, it will let them disappear. Solution: This is a very similar problem to forgetting the lights on. Try not to put anything down while doing something else, and try to add an action to the putting down. Say: "This is where I'm putting my keys - on the armchair of the sofa." or "I'm putting my glasses in the blue box." Then you don't have to remember the exact location, just what you said, which is much easier, and even if you don't remember it perfectly, it will give you important clues of where to look. Another and perhaps even better way is to stick to your habits. This is one of those rare times when obsession actually pays off. Religiously place your items in the same place over and over again. Designate an easy-to-reach place where everything goes, and later sort them from that place into their rightful places. For instance, you can keep a big bowl next to the entry door, where you put keys, wallet, glasses etc. When you are not busy and can pay attention, go back to the bowl and put everything in its rightful place. Now that you are paying attention, you'll probably remember where they are. Having trouble Remembering...ahh...what was it? Oh yes - Words. Memory - Tricks - Help Problem: Having a hard time remembering words, names of books and plays, names of actors, old tunes etc. This is a universal problem and it gets worse the older we get. It doesn't matter how much we pressure ourselves or force ourselves to remember - it just won't happen if our minds are preoccupied. Solution: First, let go of stress. It is the killer of memory. The second worst thing for memory is multiplicity, or concentrating on a few things at once. Clear your head and focus only on the words you are trying to find. Sometimes, the word seems to be right on the tip of our tongue, but we can't get to it. Don't worry - it happens all the time and it is actually a biological process. Sometimes the actual biological pathway in the brain to that word may be blocked, and you have to find a way around. The best trick is not to think of the word itself, but think of a word that rhymes with it, or a word that has similar associations, or a word that is similar in meaning. For example: We're trying to find the word 'University', it's right on the tip of our tongue, but we can't remember it exactly. Try to think of: 'college', 'student', 'place of learning', 'municipality' etc. When the path to the brain is blocked, no amount of 'trying to remember' will help. The best way is to take an alternative route, and remember similar words. This will help you approach the word from a different direction or path

THE SCOUT MASTER

Dear Mum, Our Scoutmaster told us to write to our parents in case you saw the flood on TV and got worried. We are okay. Only one of our tents and 2 sleeping bags got washed away. Luckily, none of us got drowned because we were all up on the mountain looking for Adam when it happened. Oh yes, please call Adam's mother and tell her he is okay. He can't write because of the cast. I got to ride in one of the search and rescue Jeeps. It was great. We never would have found Adam in the dark if it hadn't been for the lightning. Scoutmaster Ted got mad at Adam for going on a hike alone without telling anyone. Adam said he did tell him, but it was during the fire so he probably didn't hear him. Did you know that if you put petrol on a fire, it will blow up? The wet wood didn't burn, but one of the tents did and also some of our clothes. Matthew is going to look weird until his hair grows back. We will be home on Saturday if Scoutmaster Ted gets the bus fixed. It wasn't his fault about the crash. The brakes worked okay when we left. Scoutmaster Ted said that with a bus that old, you have to expect something to break down; that's probably why he can't get insurance. We think it's a super bus. He doesn't care if we get it dirty, and if it's hot, sometimes he lets us ride on the bumpers. It gets pretty hot with 45 people in a bus made for 24. He let us take turns riding in the trailer until the policeman stopped and talked to us. Scoutmaster Ted is a neat guy. Don't worry, he is a good driver. In fact, he is teaching Horace how to drive on the mountain roads where there aren't any cops. All we ever see up there are huge logging trucks. This morning all of the guys were diving off the rocks and swimming out to the rapids. Scoutmaster Ted wouldn't let me because I can't swim, and Adam was afraid he would sink because of his cast (it's concrete because we didn't have any plaster), so he let us take the canoe out. It was great. You can still see some of the trees under the water from the flood. Scoutmaster Ted isn't crabby like some scoutmasters. He didn't even get mad about the life jackets. He has to spend a lot of time working on the bus so we are trying not to cause him any trouble. Guess what? We have all passed our first aid merit badges. When Andrew dived into the lake and cut his arm, we all got to see how a tourniquet works. Steve and I threw up, but Scoutmaster Ted said it was probably just food poisoning from the left-over chicken. He said they got sick that way with food they ate in prison. I'm so glad he got out and became our scoutmaster. He said he sure figured out how to get things done better while he was doing his time. By the way, what is a pedal-file? I have to go now. We are going to town to post our letters and buy some more beer and ammo. Don't worry about anything. We are fine and tonight it's my turn to sleep in the Scoutmaster's tent.

या तीन दिवसात सगळेच शिकले काटकसर करायला. शंभर ची नोट खर्च करायची असते... पण जीवावर येते मोडायला

या तीन दिवसात सगळेच शिकले काटकसर करायला. शंभर ची नोट खर्च करायची असते... पण जीवावर येते मोडायला. आता असं वाटतंय शंभर रुपयातही तीन चार दिवस जगणं इतकं काही कठीण नाही, साधेपणाने जगण्याची वेगळीच नवलाई... वरखर्च, टॅक्सी सगळ्यावरच बसलाय आळा, बचतीची या दिवसात सगळीकडेच भरली आहे शाळा. नोटांसोबत बदलले लोकांचे आचार विचार, काळया पैशाचा शेवटही काळाच... आणि लाचार. सुखाने जगा समाधानाने झोपा, करु नका बेईमानी, याच संदेशाने संपवतो, छोटीशी ही कहाणी...

हजार पाचशेच्या चिल्लर गोष्टी गजू तायडे

हजार पाचशेच्या चिल्लर गोष्टी मोदी सरकारने पाचशे आणि एक हजाराच्या नोटा तडकाफडकी रद्द काय केल्या, ‘देश में हडकंप मच गया...’ अर्थात या उलथापालथीत कुणी दुखावले, कुणी जाम सुखावले... : अरे, हे तुझ्याकडून उसने घेतलेले पंचवीस हजार रुपये परत करतोय, बरं का. : पण या तर हजाराच्या नोटा आहेत. : मग काय झालं? बँकेतून बदलून घे की! : एवढे झटके कोण घेत बसणार? किती कटकट असते ती! रांगा लावा, रोज चार हजारांच्याच नोटा बदलून घ्या. त्यापेक्षा, तू मला शंभरच्याच नोटा दे बघू. : हे बघ, उसने देताना तूसुद्धा हजारच्याच नोटा दिल्या होत्यास ना? मग? लॉजिकली पाहता तुला हजारच्याच नोटा परत घ्याव्या लागतील. : अरे पण- : ते काही नाही. तत्त्व म्हणजे तत्त्व! ------------------------ : ढंप्या, ती बघ प्रेतयात्रा निघालीय, स्मशानाच्या रस्त्यानं. प्रेतावर पैसे उधळताहेत बघ. चल चल. आपण गोळा करू पैसे. : छ्या झंप्या, काही अर्थ नाही त्यात. गेले पाच-सात दिवस प्रेतांवरून नाणी उधळणं बंद केलंय लोकांनी. नोटा उधळू लागलेत आता. : मग काय झालं? नोटा तर नोटा. आपल्याला पैशाशी मतलब. : पण ते हजार अन् पाचशेच्या नोटा उधळताहेत ना! : हलकट साले! मागे पंचवीस पैशाची नाणी बंद झाली होती, तेव्हा पंचवीस पैशाची नाणी उधळायचे लोक. : तर! हे चीटिंग आहे. मृतात्म्यांना सद्गती नाही लाभणार अशानं. ------------------------ : भाई भाई, अब क्या करनेका? : क्या हुआ रे टकलू खोटा? परेशान दिसतोस! : इंडिया गव्हर्नमेंटनं हजार अन् पाचशेच्या नोटा बंद केल्यायत. तडकाफडकी! आता आपण छापलेल्या एवढ्या मोठ्या गोडाउनभर नोटांचं काय करायचं? : अरे इसकी मांकी…! ये तो बडा प्रॉब्लेम हो गया! किती रकमेच्या नोटा आहेत एकूण गोडाउनमध्ये? : पन्नासेक लाख कोटी तरी पडून असतील! शिवाय सर्क्युलेशनमध्ये असलेल्या वेगळ्याच. : हं… कागदाच्या रद्दीचा भाव काय सुरू आहे, हल्ली कराचीत? : साडेसात रुपये किलो! : बेच डालो! जे काही पैसे मिळतील, त्यातच समाधान मानायचं आता. ‘सर्वनाशे समुत्पन्ने अर्धम् त्यजति पण्डितः’ असं म्हणतात ना! : म्हणजे काय भाई? माझ्या डोक्यावरून गेलं हे… : इसका मतलब है, ‘जेव्हा सर्वनाश जवळ येतो, तेव्हा पंडित लोक अर्ध्याचा त्याग करतात आणि अर्धं वाचवतात.’ : फिर तो भाई तुम महापंडित है… : वो क्या है ना टकलू, मै आजकल फावले वेळ में संस्कृत पढता हूं. : संस्कृतबद्दल नाही म्हटलं मी. त्यागाबद्दल बोलतोय. तुम्ही अर्धं कुठं, एक टक्काही वाचवत नाही आहात. प्रिंटिंग कॉस्टपण वसूल होणार नाहीये रद्दीच्या पैशातून. : चलताय रे बाबा. या इंडियन गव्हर्नमेंटचा हल्ली भरोसाच राहिला नाही. यापुढं आपण फक्त यूएस डॉलरच छापत जाऊ या. : आता अमेरिकेवर पण भरोसा ठेवता येणार नाहीये भाई! : वो क्यूं? : तिथं डोनाल्डभाई निवडून आलेत ना! ------------------------ : अहो उठा! उठा पटकन!! : अं? काय झालं…? : चोर शिरलेत घरात! उठा बघू! : चोर? हा हा हा हा हा!... : हसताय काय वेड्यासारखं! ते बघा कपाट फोडताहेत! : फोडू देत! हा हा हा हा हा!... : बाई बाई! कम्माल झाली! घरात चोरी होतेय अन् तुम्ही खदाखदा हसताय! : हा हा हा हा हा!... : अहो, ते बघा! गोण्या भरून निघालेत ते परत! पोलिसांना फोन लावा ना! : हा हा हा हा हा हा हा! : आता हसणं थांबवता की हाणू टाळक्यात लाटणं? : अगं… हा हा हा हा! खुशाल नेऊ देत त्या चोरांना पैसे. पस्तावतील ते! तू झोप बघू गुपचुप! सगळ्या हजार अन् पाचशेच्याच नोटा होत्या त्या कपाटात! हा हा हा हा… ------------------------ : टेन्शनमध्ये दिसताय दादा आज. : हो ना! काल सोनाराकडे गेलो होतो, नवं ब्रेसलेट घ्यायला. साला हजाराच्या अन् पाचशेच्या नोटा घेणार नाही, म्हणाला. आता काय करावं बरं? : च्च च्च! हे वाईट झालं. ‘तालुक्याचा गोल्डनमॅन’ अशी तुमची ख्याती आहे. तुमच्या अंगावर किलो-किलो दागिने असतात. ब्रेसलेट्स, कडी, सलकडी, गोफ, अंगठ्या, तोडे, कंबरपट्टे. शिवाय तुमचा शर्टच काय, पँट आणि आतली चड्डी पण सोन्याची असते! : छ्या बुवा! गुंठामंत्र्यांना एवढे वाईट दिवस कधीच आले नव्हते. नाव खराब होणार आता माझं अख्ख्या तालुक्यात. काही सुचेनासं झालंय. : हं… एक आयडिया आहे दादा. : सांग बघू काय आयडिया आहे, ती! : दादा, तुम्ही अंगावर एवढं सोनं कशासाठी घालता? : कशासाठी म्हणजे? आमची संपत्ती, आमचं ऐश्वर्य लोकांना दिसायला नको? लोकांवर वचक कसा राहणार नाहीतर? : बरोब्बर! आणि तुमच्याकडे हजार आणि पाचशेच्या नोटांची खोकीच्या खोकी पडून आहेत. सगळा पैसा बेहिशेबी असल्यानं तुम्हाला त्या नोटा बदलूनही घेता येणार नाहीत. : खराय. सगळी पंचाईत झालीय! : मग तुम्ही आता असं करा. त्या नोटांचे हार करा आणि अंगावर घाला. : कायच्या काय! : अहो त्यात काय? निवडणुकांच्या वेळी पुढारी लोक नाही घालत का नोटांचे हार? तुम्ही पण घाला. शेवटी संपत्तीचं प्रदर्शन महत्त्वाचं. तसंही गावगन्ना गोल्डन मॅन उगवलेत हल्ली. आउट ऑफ फॅशन होतंय सोनं आता. : ते पण बरोबरच आहे म्हणा… : शिवाय तुम्ही त्या नोटांचे शर्ट, पँटी, चड्ड्या वगैरेपण शिवून घालू शकता. कसं हटके वाटेल ना ते! : हां… ही खरंच मस्त आयडिया आहे. लाव! त्या न्यू मॉडर्न टेलरला फोन लाव. दादांची मापं घ्यायला ये म्हणावं. : आता कसं? गिनीज बुकातपण नाव येईल बघा, तुमचं! ------------------------ : गरिबाला दानधरम करा मायबाप. लेकराबाळांचं भलं होईल तुमच्या... : पैसे नाहीत रे सुट्टे. नाहीतर दिले असते… : बघा मालक. असेल एखादी दहा-वीसची नोट कुठंतरी. : नाही रे. सगळ्या हजाराच्या अन् पाचशेच्याच नोटा आहेत. हल्ली भिकारीपण घेत नाहीत त्या. : मग खर्च कसा चालवता मालक? : हेच आपलं डेबिट कार्ड, क्रेडिट कार्ड… : डेबिट कार्ड, क्रेडिट कार्ड आहे ना? मग नो प्रॉब्लेम मालक. माझ्याकडे स्वाइप मशीन आहे! चलताय रे बाबा. या इंडियन गव्हर्नमेंटचा हल्ली भरोसाच राहिला नाही. यापुढं आपण फक्त यूएस डॉलरच छापत जाऊ या. आता अमेरिकेवर पण भरोसा ठेवता येणार नाहीये भाई! वो क्यूं? तिथं डोनाल्डभाई निवडून आलेत ना

SURGICAL STRIKE IGNORANCE IS BLISS

Pakistan will win any war against India By Shehzad Ghias

Published: October 3, 2016 India has been threatening war against Pakistan but there is no war in which India can ever beat Pakistan. No Pakistani is afraid of war: Everyone is brave enough to put up a status online asking for war. As long as I do not have to fight in it, I support every war. If it makes me feel better to upload a cover photo with the Pakistani flag, why should I care about helping to create social conditions where thousands of people can die? I do not even care about causing accidents on the road after painting both my car’s windscreens green and white. Indian authorities seize ‘Pakistani boat’, detain 9 crew members off Gujarat In many ways, I am also a soldier. I have waged a war against India for a decade in Facebook comments. I am particularly proud of all the times I have referred to ‘India’ as ‘End ya’. In every cricket match after India loses a wicket I tweet the following: “In dia? Nahee, out dia.” Do you think a country full of people who can come up with such hillarious puns can be defeated by a country where Katrina Kaif can win the Smita Patil Memorial Award? Pakistan will win any war against India. World War I, World II, The American Civil War; we have never lost any war against India. In fact the worst Pakistani performance in a war was by the actors in Bilal Lashari’s Waar. Even there we beat India. Anyone who saw the movie Border and thought no one can make a worse propaganda movie underestimated the power of Pakistanis. There is a reason why we have the best spy agency in the world. Every single boy in Pakistan is trained in spy missions. Trying to pick up a girl from her house in Karachi without her mother noticing is nothing short of a James Bond mission. You have to disguise yourself as the driver, strategically park the car at an angle where her mother cannot spot it from the roof and if anybody approaches at a moment’s notice be ready to scream out, “Khuda ki kasam behan hay meri.” China blocks river, sets off alarm bells in India For years the WWE has tried to warn us of the nefarious designs of India’s spy agency by screaming out to us ‘RAW is WAR’ but we never listened. We were blinded by uncle Aman’s daughter Asha and steamrolled by the Samjhota express. Too long have we danced to the beat of India on all our mehndis and dholkis; too long have we asked our barbers to give us the Shahrukh Khan haircut; too long have we tried hiding our bellies in Salman Khan endorsed white ugly vests. It is time we say enough is enough and engage in an all-out war against India. Every Pakistani is equal to 60 Indians and 2+2 = 22. We will beat India on the cricket ground. We will beat India at the border. We will go to Mars and beat their satellite there. So what if we do not even get water in the most posh area of Karachi? Beliefs are stronger than science and I believe we will win. I am sure Agha Waqar can build us a satellite that runs on water. Nawaz Sharif will beat Narendra Modi in an eating contest. Shahid Afridi will beat Sachin Tendulkar in a ‘will not retire’ contest. Humayun Saeed will beat Shahrukh Khan in a ‘will still play a 20 year old in movies’ contest. Atif Aslam will beat Himesh Reshamiya in an auto tuning contest. Bilal Khan will beat Katrina Kaif in a more fake British accent contest. Imran Khan will beat Arvind Kejriwaal in a ‘trust me, we can still win’ delusion. Mubasher Lucman will beat Arnab Goswami in a shouting match. Every memon will beat Bappi Larri in wearing more gold in public. Hamza Ali Abbasi will beat Subramanian Swamy in jingoism. Every wall being used as a public toilet in Pakistan will defeat the Swachh Bharat movement. Pakistan Army rubbishes India’s claim of ‘surgical strikes’ along LoC We are the more hip choice for people worldwide. Pakistan – the new and improved India. We can build six Taj Mahals – even if that means spending no money on building schools and hospitals. If it means being better than India then I am sure all people dying from lack of adequate healthcare will understand. India better not challenge us to another war. There is no way they can defeat us. We will have applications pending for visas for other countries. Every Pakistani will be willing to fly a plane over India, all the way to Australia for safe asylum. India cannot isolate us from the West. We are the West. Every geographer in the world will tell you that Pakistan is closer to the West than India

What Did the Australian Staff College Teach Me?- by my dear friend brig m k khushwah

What Did the Australian Staff College Teach Me? On return from the Australian Staff College, I was posted as BM in an armoured brigade at Babina. The local military leadership summarily categorized me as unsuitable for the job on two basic counts – first which was the obvious was my being a non-armoured corps officer and the second, my having done the Australian Staff Course. The logic was like this – Camberlay does teach you a lot but Australia? C’mon, have a heart. What can the Aussies teach us? They do nothing except playing cricket, chasing kangaroos and sun bathing or surfing on the beaches. From this logic, the Army should not be sending officers there – and that too the third in the order of merit goes there and not some one just picked randomly. So what did I learn in Australian Staff College? Firstly, the exposure to a new environment and new thought process is itself a big teacher. By the way, what does one learn in the HC course? There the DS do no teaching at all. But still it is very prestigious and graded (till quite some time back) higher than the HDMC where there is plenty of formal teaching. We seem to have fixated ideas on every issue and view everything through the colour of our own glasses. Secondly, it allowed everyone to learn and grow as per hi/her own ambitions/priorities and pace. Having been a SI in the DSSC and overseen a full course, I am of the opinion that our staff college puts a student through a rigid assembly line type of process where the product has no choice but to go through the process without realizing or feeling as to what he is going through. The product is graded six times by the line supervisors and stamped fit for staff at various levels based on their own perceptions. The Australian Staff Course (which incidentally, was a Command and Staff Course and NOT the Staff Course alone as is ours) allowed me to grow as an officer as well as an individual. It was pitched at much higher level than ours because of their own requirements where their BMs and DQs get trained at Camberlay but they need staff officers to function at their Army Office in Canberra. There was lot of emphasis on paper writing of which there were eight and each required considerable research. If I can express myself clearly today, it is due to the grooming that I got in the Australian Staff College. There was a DS from AEC who was a language expert. It appeared quite strange to me initially but later, when I realized the importance of language skills for a staff officer, I understood the rationale behind it. Thirdly, The DS there gave full opportunity to the student officers to discuss and give their opinions without fear – in fact they encouraged us to dissent with the official line and prove them wrong. This happens to be a major weakness in our training establishments where the students are taught to think in a formatted manner. Fourthly, I learnt that one has to strike a balance in life where work is not everything - family is equally important. It was the Commandant himself who considered it important enough for the students that he decided to talk on the issue formally. Do our DS advise the students at middle and senior levels as such? Fifthly, I was made to introduce guest speakers like any other Australian officer on my turn – it was immaterial whether the speaker was Australian, British, American or from any other country. Student officers are encouraged to carry out their own research about the speaker, prepare and deliver his/her introduction with equality of opportunity. In our Staff College, it is always the privilege of the Commandant only to introduce a guest speaker. Sixth, one was encouraged to ask difficult questions from senior political and military leadership. When the Defence Minister was to visit and speak to us, the Commandant himself asked the student officers to ask him all the difficult questions and not to let him go back Scot free. It is another matter that being he shrewd politician that he was, he easily succeeded in deflecting the questions but maintaining a welcoming smile on his face all the time. Seventh, having toured the entire country and viewed it from different perspectives, I understood the intricacies of force structuring for a trading continent nation of that size. The strategic environment is totally different from that of ours and hence the emphasis on maritime surveillance and aerial interception with the last priority to ground forces. Friends, there are many more but I could think of only these after so many years. To succumb to the temptation for condemning the unfamiliar is very easy, but to dwell deeper into it requires research, knowledge and understanding. I wish these aspects are also form part of the ‘design of battle’ at our training establishments.

MURPHY'S LAW IN MEDICAL PRACTICE!-HUMOUR

MURPHY'S LAW IN MEDICAL PRACTICE! 1) Murphy’s Law: If any thing can go wrong it will... 2) Gattuso’s extension of Murphy’s Law: Nothing is ever so bad that it can’t get worse. 3) Barach’s Rule: An alcoholic is a person who drinks more than his doctor. 4) Cochrane’s Aphorism: Before ordering a test decide what you will do if it is a) Positive or b) Negative. If both answers are the same don’t do the test. 5) Roentgen's law: The length of a radiologist’s report is inversely proportional to the certainty of his diagnosis. 6) Pathologists workup: In a battery of laboratory tests there is always one that must be thrown out of the window!​ Decide which one. 7) Koch’s Dilemma: A patient who most certainly has tuberculosis has a negative IgG/ IgM result. 8) Mantoux guile: A positive Mantoux test is a good excuse for starting AKT when unsure. 9) Lele’s Law: The congeniality of a physician is inversely proportional to his ability. 10) Saddam’s law: The arrogance of a patient’s relative is inversely proportional to his ability and willingness to pay your fees. 11) Extravagant aphorism: If a paient’s relative says “Don’t worry about the expenses, give the best treatment”, be sure he is not paying for the treatment. 12) Bargain Hunter’s Rule: A patient who does not bargain before treatment begins has no intention of paying your bill in full. Corollary: A patient who bargains to bring down the price will ask for further concession when presented the final bill. 13) The patient who begs for concession will demand the most expensive room once admitted. 14)VIP law: VIP patients are never normal humans. Corollary: If a VIP appears normal, he will become abnormal because of your treatment. 15) Münchhausen's law: The easiest way to cure a psychosomatic patient is to refer her to another (usually more expensive) Consultant. 16) Placebo rules: a) Placebos work only if they are expensive.​ Placebos sometimes work better than real drugs.​ A sympathetic physician is often the best placebo. 17) Machiavelli’s law: A patient /relative who says in his first visit that he has full faith in you has already consulted at least three other doctors for his/her problem. 18) Indoor anachronism: Patients who need to be admitted the most always refuse to get admitted. Those who can be sent home want to stay on. 19) Lord Cohen’s comment: The feasibility of an operation is not the best indication for its performance. 20) Telesco’s law: A physician’s availability is inversely proportional to his ability. 21) Surgeons with poor surgical skill excel at conservative treatment. 22) Bhojraj’s aphorism: Conservative treatment of a prolapsed disc is more difficult than a discoidectomy. 23) Ingalhallikar’s observation: A surgeon’s interest in an osteoarthritic patient is directly proportional to her willingness to undergo a TKR. 24) Laud’s advi​ce:​ If you have to choose between buying a car and buying equipment, buy the equipment and walk to work.​ You will be happier because the quality of your work will improve and healthier because of the exercise. 25) Morton’s Law:​ Many surgical patients are “high risk”. Some surgeons and some anaesthetists are also “high risk”! 26) Sugiyaki’s Law: All operations have excellent results in the hands of the originator. 27) The worst enemy of “good results” is a “good follow-up”. 28) A surgeon who has no complications is either not operating at all or is being economical with the truth. 29) Humerus fractures heal if the two ends of the fractured bone are in the same room - unless you have operated. ​3​0) Tatake’s law: Some fractures unite despite the surgery. 31) Adams' Law: Fractures used to heal even when there were no orthopaedic surgeons. 32) Roentgen's curse: Roentgen is the orthopaedic surgeons’ best friend, because he invented the X-rays. He is also their worst enemy, because the surgeons started treating X-rays instead of treating patients. 33) Implantology: All implants are designed to make your old instrument sets obsolete. 34) Technological advances: Technology advances in leaps, often in the wrong direction. 35) Fagin’s rule: Hindsight is a perfect science. These rules go on and on and I am sure you must have finished your quota of spirits by now. I hope you can all keep on adding to these gems of distilled knowledge with something more distilled.. I would like to finish with a short four liner from Bert Whitney: “If I traveled to the end of the rainbow, As Dame Fortune did intend, Murphy would be there to tell me, "The pot’s at the other end.”

My first date with the Horse - MY DEAR FRIEND BRIG MK KHUSHWAHS NDA EXPERIENCES

My first date with the Horse On popular demand based on the feedback about ‘My tryst with Destiny’, I would devote the next few posts to my experiences at the NDA. Interpolating Anjit Bose’s thoughts – you can take an ex-NDA out of NDA but you cannot take NDA out of him; let us live in nostalgia for a while. (Some ‘padding’ has been done deliberately for non-NDA friends on fb – NDA types will have to bear with me please.) Of all the training (or otherwise) activities at the Academy, horse riding would easily beat all others hands down as the most ‘entertaining’. It not only entertains the ‘ustaad’ and the ‘horse’, it also entertains the un-affected fellow cadets watching from the side lines in the hope that a similar fate does not befall them in the near future. As for my learning from the equestrian lines, I don’t know if I learnt riding or not, but I definitely learnt how to mount and dismount the animal including the inescapable involuntary dismounting during the lane jump in fourth term. So on my first day at the riding class, after being told about the name of the animal (pure ka nnam, ‘ghoda’- angreji mein ‘horse’) and three parts of the horse and how to recognize whether it is a male or female; (by counting its teeth of course – as the cadets are not expected to do look for the obvious sign which is only for the civilians) we were given a demo as to how to mount and dis mount the animal. Then it was our turn to select one horse from the line-up and practice the act repeatedly. Now, to tell you the truth, I was not very keen to mount any horse and so, was deliberately slow in approaching the animal line-up. By the time I reached my destination, all horses were taken up and the one which was left was the tallest – would have been definitely six and a half feet at the saddle as I could barely reach it standing on my toes. So I looked at the ‘ustaad’ with appealing eyes and made the obvious statement, “Ustaad, yeh to bahut uncha hai. Main is par kaise mount karun? His reply is still fresh in my mind – “To apne pitaji ko letter likh kar ek sirhi mangwa lo.” With no scope of changing the horse, I stood on my tip toes and managed to hold on to ends of the saddle and gave my self a push in an attempt to jump and mount as demonstrated. The horse must have realized my predicament and decided to increase the degree of difficulty for this ‘piddly’ cadet. So it started initially a slow trot, then a canter with me hanging on to the saddle for approximately five hundred meters before the horse decided to start galloping. I had no option to loosen my grip and fall in the drain next to the area. When the 'ustaad' saw me in this unscheduled act, he galloped on his horse to my location and added insult to the injury, “Abhi yehan khare hoke sirhi ka intezar karega ya ghora lekar wapas ayega?” Needless to say that whatever little enthusiasm I may have had for riding, died then and there and I some how managed to clear the basic and reached the final term (fourth) for riding. ‘Lane Jump’ is the ultimate test of mating (not literally) of the man and animal together in the poetic “do jism, ek jaan” fashion. So you are made to mount a saddle less horse (obviously without stirrups). Its reign is knotted short over its neck which you can hold by leaning forward. There are ten obstacles of various heights and widths in a lane which I think is about 500 meter long. So the average distance between two consecutive obstacles is 50 meters. The 'ustaad' leads the horse and the rider pair to the beginning of the lane and then gives one whip of his cane at the back of the animal prompting it to start galloping without the word ‘go’. You are taught during practices to lean forward during each jump and also shout “aage”. Whether this “aage” is meant for you or the horse remains a mystery to me to date. Most of the riders manage to survive till the middle of the course before falling off the animal and then running behind it to get hold of him. I leaned forward and shouted “aage” three times but at the third jump, only the horse managed to go “aage” while I fell off “peechhe”. Somehow, no limbs were broken and after a not very long chase, I did manage to retrieve my horse and hand it over to the “saees”. Thankfully, this was the last equestrian event of cadets’ training at NDA with no more involuntary dismounts and running behind the animals.

Twitter पर सुबह-सुबह हुई केजरीवाल की खिंचाई, लोगों ने कहा #Oye_Pakhandi_Kejri

Twitter पर सुबह-सुबह हुई केजरीवाल की खिंचाई, लोगों ने कहा #Oye_Pakhandi_Kejri अरविंद केजरीवाल Twitter पर सबसे ज्‍यादा troll की जाने वाली शख्‍सियतों में से एक हैं। Author जनसत्ता ऑनलाइन नई दिल्‍ली | June 20, 2016 13:10 pm 377 SHARES [Twitter पर सुबह-सुबह हुई केजरीवाल की खिंचाई, लोगों ने कहा #Oye_Pakhandi_Kejri] (Source: Twitter) × दिल्‍ली के मुख्‍यमंत्री अरविंद केजरीवाल के ऊपर सोशल मीडिया में जोक्‍स की भरमार रहती है। रोज उनसे जुड़ा कोई ना कोई हैशटैग Twitter पर टॉप ट्रेंड्स में शामिल रहता है। साेमवार को सुबह-सुबह Twitter पर लोगों ने #Oye_Pakhandi_Kejri हैशैटैग के साथ ट्वीट कर केजरीवाल पर जोक्‍स की बौछार कर दी। आप भी देखिए लोगों ने किस तरह उड़ाया दिल्‍ली के सीएम का मजाक: http://twitter.com/Dib_Speaks/status/744734998670934016 REAL ALSO: पूर्व क्रिकेटर बने फैशन इंस्टीट्यूट के चीफ, TWITTER यूजर्स बोले- सलमान खान को ISRO हेड बनाओगे ? READ ALSO: Twitter पर ट्रेंड कर रहा #बकLOL_मोदी, खूब हो रही प्रधानमंत्री की खिंचाई - See more at: http://www.jansatta.com/trending-news/arvind-kejriwal-trolled-with-oye_pakhandi_kejri/108425/#sthash.j5FZE5Mz.dpuf

#KejriwalShayaris-http://indianexpress.com/article/trending/trending-in-india/arvind-kejriwal-tries-to-troll-narendra-modi-with-shayari-and-twitterati-gives-it-back-2847488/

http://indianexpress.com/article/trending/trending-in-india/arvind-kejriwal-tries-to-troll-narendra-modi-with-shayari-and-twitterati-gives-it-back-2847488/ Roses are red, violets are blue, Main kaise ban gya CM, I dont have a clue. Kejri Kejri little star.. Said no to lal batti car.. Not a single work done so far.. Dream to become PM agli bar.. Ashutosh ke pass hai dog aur cat Modi is a coward and Psycopath #KejriwalShayaris Roses are red Violets are blue Mere jo man main aaye bolun, Modi who the hell are you?#KejriwalShayar तू शायर नहीं शायर का भतीजा है... तू शायर नहीं शायर का भतीजा है.. . . अन्ना के अधूरे प्रयासों का तू नतीजा है । #KejriwalShayaris नौटंकी का एक ही लाल , केजरीवाल केजरीवाल दिल्ली हुईं बेहाल , सुबह शाम केजरी के बवाल कोई माल से खुश है तो कोई दाल से खुश है, बदकिस्मत हैं वो लोग जो केजरीवाल से खुश हैं । #KejriwalShayaris जनलोकपाल भुल गये, भुलादिये अण्णा हुआ ना कुछ हमसें, करेंगे सिर्फ धरना-धरना#KejriwalShayaris@CrazyTambde

Trump's first day at the Oval Office.

Trump's first day at the Oval Office. First briefing by the CIA, Pentagon, FBI: Trump: We must destroy ISIS immediately. CIA: We cannot do that, sir. We created them along with Turkey, Saudi, Qatar and others. Trump: The Democrats created them. CIA: We created ISIS, sir. You need them or else you would lose funding from the natural gas lobby. Trump: Stop funding Pakistan. Let India deal with them. CIA: We can't do that. Trump: So what? CIA: India will cut Balochistan out of Pak. Trump: I don't care. CIA: India will have peace in Kashmir. They will stop buying our weapons. They will become a superpower. We have to fund Pakistan to keep India busy in Kashmir. Trump: But you have to destroy the Taliban. CIA: Sir, we can't do that. We created the Taliban to keep Russia in check during the 80s. Now they are keeping Pakistan busy and away from their nukes. Trump: We have to destroy terror sponsoring regimes in the Middle East. Let us start with the Saudis. Pentagon: Sir, we can't do that. We created those regimes because we wanted their oil. We can't have democracy there, otherwise their people will get that oil - and we cannot let their people own it. Trump: Then, let us invade Iran. Pentagon: We cannot do that either, sir. Trump: Why not? CIA: We are talking to them, sir. Trump: What? Why? CIA: We want our stealth drone back. If we attack them, Russia will obliterate us as they did to our buddy ISIS in Syria. Besides we need Iran to keep Israel in check. Trump: Then let us invade Iraq again. CIA: Sir, our friends (ISIS) are already occupying 1/3rd of Iraq. Trump: Why not the whole of Iraq? CIA: We need the Shi'ite gov't of Iraq to keep ISIS in check. Trump: I am banning Muslims from entering US. FBI: We can't do that. Trump: Why not? FBI: Then our own population will become fearless. Trump: I am deporting all illegal immigrants to south of the border. Border patrol: You can't do that, sir. Trump: Why not? Border patrol: If they're gone, who will build the wall? Trump: I am banning H1Bs. USCIS: You cannot do that. Trump: Why? Chief of staff: If you do so we'll have to outsource White House operations to Bangalore. Which is in India. Trump: What the hell should I do??? CIA: Enjoy the White House, sir! We will take care of the rest!!! God bless America!

कसबची बिर्यानी आणी उज्ज्वल निकम

अजमल कसाबच्या बिर्याणीबाबत वक्तव्य करून ज्येष्ठ सरकारी वकील उज्ज्वल निकम यांनी नव्याने चर्चा घडवून आणली आहे. मुंबईवरील २६/११चा हल्ला हा संपूर्ण देशासाठी अतिशय संवेदनशील विषय आहे. माणुसकीला काळिमा फासणारा क्रूर आणि भयावह कृत्य कसाब आणि त्याच्या पाकिस्तानी दहशतवाद्यांनी केला होता. पाकपुरस्कृत दहशतवादाचा नवा चेहरा या निमित्ताने पुढे आला होता. कसाबला जिवंत पकडल्याने पाकिस्तानचा मुखवटाही गळून पडला. कसाबवर रीतसर खटला भरून न्यायालयात सुनावणी करून त्याला फाशीही देण्यात आली आहे. कोठडीत असताना त्याने बिर्याणीची मागणी केली होती आणि त्याची पूर्तता केली गेली, अशी चर्चा होती. भारतीयांना मारणाऱ्या कसाबला बिर्याणी का खाऊ घालायची, अशी भावना त्यानंतर निर्माण झाली होती. प्रत्यक्षात त्याने बिर्याणीची मागणी केलेली नव्हती, असा खुलासा निकम यांनी नुकताच केला आहे. 'कसाबबद्दल सहानुभूती निर्माण होईल, अशा प्रकारचे वृत्त माध्यमांमधून येत असल्याने त्याच्याबद्दलचे जनतेचे मत बदलले जाऊ नये म्हणून तो बिर्याणी मागत असल्याचे वक्तव्य मी केले होते,' असे निकम यांनी म्हटले आहे. कसाबचे प्रकरण संपल्यानंतर त्यांनी हा खुलासा का केला हे कळायला मार्ग नाही. त्यांचे हे वक्तव्य तपासून पाहणार असल्याचे महसूलमंत्री एकनाथ खडसे यांनी म्हटले आहे. या तपासातून काय निष्पन्न व्हायचे ते होईल; परंतु अशा संवेदनशील विषयावर जाहीर वक्तव्य करून वाद निर्माण करणे कितपत उचित याचाही विचार व्हायला हवा. २६/११ प्रकरणी भारताने कसाबच्या विरोधात अतिशय पारदर्शी पद्धतीने खटला चालविला. त्याला त्याची बाजू मांडण्याची संधीही दिली. विशेष न्यायालय, उच्च न्यायालय, सर्वोच्च न्यायालय अशा सर्व टप्प्यांनंतर त्याला शिक्षा ठोठावण्यात आली. त्यानंतर हे प्रकरण उकरून काढून जगाचे लक्ष वेधून घेण्यात काहीही अर्थ नाही. त्याचबरोबर या निमित्ताने दहशतवाद आणि बिर्याणी यांच्यात प्रतीकात्मक नाते तयार होते आहे काय, याचा विचार करण्याची गरज आहे. कसाबच्या बिर्याणी प्रकरणापासून बिर्याणीला एक प्रतीकात्मक रूप आले आहे. भारताच्या दिशेने निघालेली पाकिस्तानी बोट बुडविण्याचा निर्णय तटरक्षक दलाने मध्यंतरी घेतला तेव्हाही, 'त्यांना बिर्याणी का खाऊ घालायची,' असे म्हटले गेले होते.

INDIA'S ECONOMIC BOOM DURING CRICKET WORLD CUP

INDIA'S ECONOMIC BOOM DURING CRICKET WORLD CUP Cricket is the No. 1 sport in India by a wide margin. In fact, if you were to rank the popularity of sporting events in India, it would be something like this: (1) men's cricket; (2) boy's cricket; (3) women's cricket; (4) wheelchair cricket; and (5) monkeys trained to play cricket. It shouldn't be surprising, then, that the 2015 Cricket World Cup, being played in Australia and New Zealand, has given a huge boost to certain segments of the Indian economy. Many fans love to eat and drink while watching cricket, so they're spending zillions at restaurants and bars. "My husband, Anthony, is going overboard on wine and beer,"complained a Goa woman named Nalini. "He thinks ODI stands for One Day Intoxication. I think it stands for One Day Idiocy." It isn't just food and drink establishments that are doing well during the World Cup. Almost any business that has a TV is benefiting, even dental clinics. "Just my luck, I had a severe toothache and had to see a dentist during the India-South Africa match," said a Hyderabad man named Mohammad. "When he finished extracting the tooth, I saw that the match was on the TV in the waiting room, so I just stayed there and watched. The dentist came out and said, 'What, you want more work on your teeth?' and I said, 'Only if you can do it in front of the TV.' So he extracted five more teeth and gave me a denture. I'm going back for more dental work soon, whenever India plays again. I hope my boss doesn't suspect anything." Varun Das, who owns a vegetable stall in a busy market in Delhi, has been outselling his competition during cricket matches, all because he has a TV. "Many people stay for a long time after buying vegetables," Das said. "One young woman bought vegetables from me, sat down and was cutting and peeling them right here, while watching the India-Pakistan match. 'If you have fire and a pot, I will do the cooking here too,' she said. I think I'm going to marry that woman. She cooks and watches cricket. What more can a man want?" Among the biggest beneficiaries of the World Cup are the people who do their best work while others are preoccupied: crooks. Thieves have been stealing everything from cars to cameras while owners are focused on cricket matches. "The best time to steal is when Virat Kohli is batting," said a Chennai man named Rohan. "As soon as he swings his bat, I pounce. I grab something and dash off. Nobody notices anything. It is a good time to be a thief, unless you like to steal TVs. You cannot steal any TV at this time. But everything else, you can take. During the India-Pakistan match, I even stole a nice chair. The man who was sitting on it got up to cheer when Virat reached a century, so I took the chair and ran. He saw me, but he was too happy to chase me. My wife was thrilled to see the chair. By the end of the World Cup, we will have furnished our whole house. That reminds me: Do you know anyone who has a computer desk?" Perhaps the biggest economic boost during the World Cup has been felt by the IPI (Indian Pickpocket Industry). "We usually have to create a distraction to pick someone's pocket," said a Mumbai man named Yogendra. "That's why we work in pairs. But no distraction is needed during World Cup. Just put your hand in pocket and take. And don't worry about police catching you, because they are busy watching World Cup too. As long as India is beating someone in cricket, no one is getting beaten at the station!" An IPI spokesman named Handeep Mann said the industry has done so well during World Cup 2015 that it is considering being an official sponsor of World Cup 2019. "It's been fantastic," he said. "All of our members are out there working: the full-timers, the part-timers, the two-timers. Even some old-timers are working. They like our industry because we have no mandatory retirement age. One man I know, he is 80 years old, yet he's been out there working. You won't believe this, but I saw him picking the pocket of another pickpocket. He stole a wallet that had just been stolen. I said to him, 'It's not fair. You should give opportunities to young people,' and he said, 'You know what's unfair? It's unfair that the World Cup is only once every four years. How is an old man supposed to survive?'";)) __

BHARAT RATNA FOR ALL

भारतरत्न हा देशातील सर्वोच्च मानाचा किताब. तेव्हा त्याबाबतची चर्चा राजकीय वा अन्य पातळ्यांवर जाऊ नये, असा आजवरचा समज होता. परंतु मोदी सरकारने संभाव्य भारतरत्नांबाबत चर्चा सुरू केल्याबरोबर अनेक छुप्या रत्नांची नावे अनेकांनी ज्या पद्धतीने पुढे करण्यास सुरुवात केली ती पाहता अशा चर्चेचे महत्त्व कळून येईल आणि आजवर कुठकुठले माजी पंतप्रधान भारतरत्न झाले, कोणकोणते प्रादेशिक नेतेही या किताबाचे मानकरी ठरले हे पाहता ही चर्चा याच (आड)वळणाला जाणे क्रमप्राप्त आहे, हेही मान्य होईल.. भारतरत्न कोणाकोणाला द्यावे आणि म्हणावे यासाठी सध्या नव्याने जी चर्चा सुरू झाली आहे, त्याचे आम्ही मनापासून स्वागत करतो. या चर्चेची गरज होतीच आणि तीमुळे अनेक हेतू साध्य होतील. दगडांच्या खाणीत जसे एखादेच रत्न निघते तसेच सव्वाशे कोटींच्या देशातून पंतप्रधानपदी आरूढ होण्याच्या लायकीची एखादीच व्यक्ती असू शकते. त्यामुळे जो किंवा जी कोणी पंतप्रधान होईल, ते आपोआप भारतरत्न किताबासाठी निवडले जावेत असा निर्णय भाजप सरकारने घेण्याची गरज आहे. त्यामुळे अनेक माजी पंतप्रधानांचा दुवा भाजपला मिळू शकेल. माजी पंतप्रधान अटल बिहारी वाजपेयी यांना भारतरत्न देण्याबाबत या सरकारने हालचाली सुरू केल्याचे कळते. देशाचे पहिले पंतप्रधान जवाहरलाल नेहरू, दुसरे लालबहादूर शास्त्री, मधले गुलझारीलाल नंदा, नंतरच्या इंदिरा गांधी, त्यांचे चिरंजीव राजीव गांधी (संजय गांधी यांना पंतप्रधानपदाची संधी मिळाली नाही, अन्यथा तेदेखील नक्कीच भारतरत्न झालेच असते.) मूळचे काँग्रेसचे पण तरीही काँग्रेसेतर सरकारचे पहिले पंतप्रधान मोरारजी देसाई आदी माजी पंतप्रधान भारतरत्नाने गौरवले गेलेच आहेत. तेव्हा वाजपेयी यांचे नाव या यादीत का नको, या प्रश्नाने पंतप्रधान नरेंद्र मोदी यांना खेद होत असेल तर ते त्यांच्या कोमल स्वभावास साजेसेच झाले, असे म्हणावे लागेल. तेव्हा वाजपेयी यांना या सरकारने भारतरत्न करावेच. परंतु त्याचबरोबर प्रत्येक पंतप्रधान माजी झाला रे झाला की आपोआप आजी भारतरत्न होईल अशीही व्यवस्था सरकारने करावी. याचे कारण या अशा व्यवस्थेच्या अभावी अनेक मान्यवर या भारतरत्नपासून वंचित राहिले आहेत. उदाहरणार्थ विश्वनाथ प्रताप सिंग. भारताची दुसरी फाळणी ज्याने करून दाखवली अशा व्यक्तीस असा सन्मान न मिळणे हे अन्यायकारक आहे. झालेच तर हरदनहळ्ळी दोड्डेगौडा देवेगौडा यांनी या भारतरत्नाचे काय घोडे मारले आहे? देशात आर्थिक सुधारणांचा रुतलेला गाडा त्यांच्या काळात पेंगत का होईना हलू लागला, ही त्यांची मोठी कामगिरी त्यांना नक्कीच भारतरत्नास पात्र ठरवते. त्यांच्याहीपेक्षा जास्त लायक ठरतात ते चंद्रशेखर. ज्या प्रदेशात एके काळी सोन्याचा धूर निघत असे कविमंडळी सांगतात त्या देशाच्या सरकारचा प्रमुख म्हणून सोने गहाण ठेवण्याचा निर्णय घेण्यास वाघाची छाती लागते. ती चंद्रशेखर यांनी दाखवली. त्यामुळे तेही भारतरत्नच्या यादीत असणे ही भोडशी येथील आo्रमाची गरज आहे. या पदावर असताना काहीही देदीप्यमान न करता राहणे हेदेखील देदीप्यमानच आहे. तेव्हा या निकषावर इंदरकुमार गुजराल हे देखील भारतरत्नच ठरतात. आणि नरसिंह राव यांचे काय? त्यांना विसरून कसे चालेल. या देशास मनमोहन सिंग यांसारखा हिरा गवसला तो राव यांच्यामुळेच. तेव्हा बाकी काही नाही तरी मनमोहन सिंग यांना पुढे आणले या एकाच मुद्दय़ावर राव हेदेखील भारतरत्न ठरतातच ठरतात. शिवाय त्यांना भारतरत्न जाहीर करून पंतप्रधान नरेंद्र मोदी यांना काँग्रेसश्रेष्ठींची पंचाईत करता येईल, हा आणखी एक फायदा. राहता राहिले मनमोहन सिंग. करून न केल्यासारखा कारभार, असून नसल्यासारखे अस्तित्व या सर्व बाबी मानपत्रात लिहिण्याजोग्याच आहेत. मोदी यांच्या पक्षाने सत्तेवर येण्यासाठी मनमोहन सिंग यांच्यावर बरीच राळ उडवली होती. भारतरत्नची चादर त्यावर घालता आल्यास त्या पापाचे क्षालनदेखील मोदी यांना करता येईल. असे केल्याने आणखी एक होईल. ते म्हणजे कधी काळी पदावरून उतरायची वेळ मोदी यांच्यावर आलीच तर तेदेखील आपोआपच भारतरत्नसाठी पात्र ठरतील. मोदी सरकारने संभाव्य भारतरत्नांबाबत चर्चा सुरू केल्याबरोबर अनेक छुप्या रत्नांची नावे अनेकांनी ज्या पद्धतीने पुढे करण्यास सुरुवात केली ती पाहता अशा चर्चेचे महत्त्व कळून येईल. काँग्रेसने कांशीराम आणि अलीगड मुस्लीम विद्यापीठाचे संस्थापक सर सय्यद अहमद खान यांचे नाव यासाठी सुचवले आहे. मात्र फक्त कांशीराम यांच्यावरच काँग्रेसने थांबू नये. उत्तर प्रदेशात कैक उद्याने आणि पुतळे उभारणाऱ्या, ताज महामार्ग आणि अन्य भ्रष्ट प्रकरणांतून कोटय़वधींची माया करणाऱ्या गरीब की बेटी मायावती यांनाही ते देण्याची व्यवस्था करावी. उत्तर प्रदेशातील पुरुषप्रधान संस्कृतीस तोंड देऊन सत्ता मिळवणे हे काही लहान काम नक्कीच नाही. त्यांच्यानंतर सत्तासंतुलनाप्रमाणे रत्नसंतुलनासाठी काँग्रेसने वा मार्क्‍सवादी कम्युनिस्ट पक्षाने मुलायमसिंग यांचेही नाव यासाठी पुढे करावे. त्याच्या बदल्यात समाजवादी पक्षाने या पक्षाचे दिवंगत चाणक्य हरकिशनसिंग सुरजित यांनाही हा पुरस्कार देण्याचा आग्रह धरावा. या मालिकेत ठाकुरांची सत्ता आणि मत्ता त्यांच्याकडून हिरावून घेण्याचे ऐतिहासिक कार्य एकहाती करणारे लालुप्रसाद यादव हेदेखील भारतरत्न नामांकनासाठी सुयोग्य ठरतात. गाई-म्हशींना पुरवल्या जाणाऱ्या चाऱ्याच्या माध्यमातून संपत्ती निर्मिती करण्यास प्रतिभा आणि प्रतिमेस महत्त्व न देण्याची वृत्ती दोन्ही लागते. या दोन्हींचा समुच्चय लालुप्रसादांच्या ठायी असल्याने ते नक्कीच पात्र ठरतील. बनारस हिंदू विद्यापीठाचे संस्थापक कै. मदनमोहन मालवीय आणि अलिगड मुस्लीम विद्यापीठाचे मरहूम सय्यद अहमद खान या दोघांची नावे दोन प्रमुख राजकीय पक्षांकडून आल्यामुळे आपोआपच संतुलन साधले गेले आहे. परंतु हा मान या दोनच विद्यापीठांना का? त्याबाबत आमची सूचना अशी की ज्याप्रमाणे मंत्रिमंडळात कॅबिनेटमंत्री, राज्यमंत्री, उपमंत्री असे टप्पे असतात त्याप्रमाणे मुख्य भारतरत्न, उपमुख्य भारतरत्न आणि कनिष्ठ भारतरत्न अशी वर्गवारी करून सर्व माजी कुलगुरू, विविध पक्षांचे संस्थापक वगैरेंची सोय तीत लावून टाकावी. हे बिचारे कुलगुरू एका अर्थाने त्यांना नेमणाऱ्यांच्या ऋ णाची परतफेड करण्याचे बहुमोल कार्य करीत असतातच. तेव्हा त्यांच्याही कार्याचा गौरव होणे गरजेचे आहे. या यादीत सर्वोच्च न्यायालयाचे सर्व निवृत्त न्यायाधीश, सर्व उच्च न्यायालयांचे मुख्य न्यायाधीश यांचाही संभाव्य भारतरत्नांच्या यादीत आपोआप समावेश केला जावा. अन्यथा मरकडेय काटजू यांच्यासारख्या हिऱ्यास योग्य ते कोंदण कसे मिळणार? आतापर्यंत एकाच उपपंतप्रधानास भारतरत्न किताबाने गौरवण्यात आले आहे. ते म्हणजे गुलझारीलाल नंदा. हा अन्याय आहे. तो दूर करण्यासाठी माजी उपपंतप्रधान आणि अखंड संभाव्य पंतप्रधान लालकृष्ण अडवाणी यांचा भारतरत्न देऊन गौरव होणे ही काळाची गरज आहे. मोदी सरकारने अनेक ज्येष्ठांना किमान राज्यपालपदे तरी देऊन सन्मानिले आहे. अपवाद फक्त अडवाणी यांचा. ते बिचारे अजूनही मुझे याद है उन्नीसौ बावन में.. म्हणत राजकारणात तग धरून आहेत. भारतरत्न दिल्यास त्यांच्या उपस्थितीचा गौरव होईल. सध्या भारतरत्नच्या यादीत सर्वपल्ली राधाकृष्णन, बाबू राजेंद्र प्रसाद, झाकीर हुसेन, एपीजे अब्दुल कलाम याच माजी राष्ट्रपतींचा समावेश आहे. मोदी सरकारने सर्व पंतप्रधानांप्रमाणे सर्व माजी राष्ट्रपतीही आपोआपच भारतरत्न ठरतील अशी व्यवस्था करावी. ग्यानी झैलसिंग, नीलम संजीव रेड्डी, झाल्याच तर प्रतिभाताई पाटील आदी मान्यवरांना त्यामुळे संधी मिळेल. याच्या जोडीला आमच्या आणखी एका सूचनेचा सरकारने विचार करावाच करावा. ती म्हणजे माजी पंतप्रधान, माजी राष्ट्रपती यांच्याप्रमाणे सर्व राजकीय पक्षांच्या संस्थापकांना रत्नपद द्यावे. तूर्त हा मान फक्त कामराज आणि एम जी रामकृष्णन यांनाच देण्यात आला आहे. प्रादेशिक समतोलासाठी हे योग्य नव्हे. त्यामुळे सर्वच पक्षांचे संस्थापक.. मग यात शिवसेनाकार बाळासाहेब ठाकरे वा देवीलाल वा करुणानिधी हेदेखील आले.. हे मरणोत्तर का होईना भारतरत्नच ठरावयास हवेत. गायक, कलाकार, संशोधक, वैज्ञानिक यांची या साऱ्यांपुढे काय मातब्बरी? त्यांना भारतरत्न करून काय मिळणार? तेव्हा आमच्या सूचनेचा जरूर विचार सरकारने करावा. त्याखेरीज भारत ही किती आणि केवढय़ा मोठय़ा रत्नांची खाण आहे, हे सर्व जगास कळून त्या तेजाने जगाचे डोळे दिपणार नाहीत.

E MAILS MAHABHARATA SHRIKRISHNA & ARJUN

Arjun: Hey Vasudev, how can I do the most heinous and unpardonable act of forwarding E-mails that I receive, to my friends, relatives and revered elders. Krishna: Paarth, at this moment, none of them is your friend or foe, relative or in-law, young or old and good or evil. You have no escape from following your Net-Dharma. Make haste to log on and send off E-mails to one and all. That is the only Karma expected of you and the Dharma you must follow. Arjun: Hey Murari! Do not implore me to do something that hurts my conscience and stirs my soul. Krishna: O Kunti-Putra, you are caught in the vicious circle of Maya. In this material world, you are committed to no one except to yourself, your Dharma and your mouse. E-mails have existed for the last 25 years and will remain long after you are gone. Rise above the Maya and perform your bounden duty. Arjun: Lord Krishna, pray and enlighten me on how an E-mail is related to Maya. Krishna: Vatsa, an E-mail is the 6th element in the universe – Aap, Vaayu, Jal, Agni, Aakaash and E-mail. It is at the same time animate and inanimate, living and dead beat. It overloads the system and fills up the hard disk. But it serves one great purpose. It leads people to believe that they are filling their time in an intellectual pursuit by reading and re-forwarding mails. It gives them a sense of achievement without investing their intellect and efforts. Like the Atman that leaves one’s physical body and moves on to another, the E-mail moves from system to system and never gets deleted or dies. Arjun: Great Giridhaari, kindly tell me what the true attributes of E-mails' are. Krishna: Neither can fire burn it, nor air evaporate it. Neither can it be conquered nor can it be defeated. An E-mail is as omnipresent and immortal like your noble and eternal soul. Unlike an arrow shot from your bow, many a time, the E-mail forwarded by you, will even return to you safely after some months or even years, allowing you to re-re-forward it to the same people. Arjun: Great Saarathi, my salutations to you. You have opened my eyes to the cult of E-mail. I was lost in Maya and have been reading all the E-mails that I keep receiving and doing no other Karma. Now on, I will just press the "Forward" button without reading any of it and send it to all and sundry, friends and foes, relatives and in-laws, young and old. That will surely bring them to their knees in this epochal battle of Good against Evil, in Kurukshetra. Krishna: Arjuna, victory or defeat is not in your hands. Do not ponder over the fruits of your labour. Just keep forwarding E-mails and make one and all go bananas reading it and you will have done your supreme duty. Tathastu! Thus Spoke Lord Krishna once again through this e-mail.

HOW TO BECOME TV EXPERT

टीव्हीवरील चर्चातज्ज्ञ व्हायचंय?मणिंदर**** या निवडणुकीने नुसती धमाल उडवून दिली आहे. घरोघर टीव्ही चर्चा पाहत दर रात्रीचे जेवण होऊ लागले आहे. रोजचेच जेवणे या चर्चांमुळे भलतेच चविष्ट व चमचमीत होऊ लागले आहे. गेल्या 5 वर्षात बघता बघता (म्हणजे टीव्ही बघता बघता) अर्धा डझन मराठी वृत्तवाहिन्या निघाल्या आणि स्थिरावल्या. जशी सर्वच वाहिन्यांवर ‘रिऍलिटी शोज’ची चलती सुरू झाली, तशी वृत्तवाहिन्यांवरही लाइव्ह चर्चांचा रिऍलिटी शो सुरू झाला. फरक इतकाच की नाच, गाणी, विनोद, आदी रिऍलिटी शोमध्ये प्रेक्षकांना ‘पावभाजी-पेप्सी’ मिळते (असे म्हणतात!) बातम्यांच्या रिऍलिटी शोमध्ये प्रेक्षक आपापल्या घरात असतात, त्यामुळे ‘पा-पे’ला मुकतात! जसे नाच-गाणी-विनोद यांच्या रिऍलिटी शोमध्ये ‘मान्यवर’ परीक्षक असतात, तसे बातम्यांच्या रिऍलिटी शोमध्ये ‘तज्ज्ञ मंडळी’ असतात. (पुन्हा एकदा) फरक इतकाच की पहिल्या प्रकारच्या शोमध्ये परीक्षक हसत-खेळत वागतात. क्वचित नाच करतात, वाद्य वाजवतात, गाणी म्हणतात. बातम्यांच्या रिऍलिटी शोमध्ये मात्र तज्ज्ञमंडळी एकदम गंभीर असतात. एखादी तरी स्मितरेषा दिसली तर प्रेक्षक स्वत:ला धन्य समजतो. (आणि तज्ज्ञाच्या स्कोअरकार्डवर एक फाउल जमा होतो!) पहिल्या प्रकारच्या रिऍलिटी शोमध्ये परीक्षक म्हणून जाण्यासाठी व्यक्ती त्या-त्या क्षेत्रात – म्हणजे संगीत, नृत्य, अभिनय या क्षेत्रात पारंगत असावी, अशी कल्पना असते. बातम्यांच्या रिऍलिटी शोमध्ये मात्र तज्ज्ञमंडळी पत्रकारितेतील जाणकारच असावीत, असे काही सक्तीचे नाही. निवृत्तीच्या उंबरठयावरील पत्रकार, विद्यापीठात अर्थशास्त्र, राज्यशास्त्र आदी विषयाचे प्राध्यापक (जे प्रश्न विचारणाऱ्याकडे न बघता कॅमेऱ्याकडे पाहून मान हलवण्यात ‘ट्रेन्ड’ असतात), सामाजिक कार्यकर्ते, उद्योगपती, गेल्या दहा वर्षात एकदाही निवडून न आलेले आणि पुढल्या वीस वर्षांत निवडून येण्याची शक्यता नसलेले राजकारणी आदी कोणीही (जे सहजपणे पत्ता न विचारता स्टुडिओत पोहोचू शकतील) तज्ज्ञ म्हणून चालतात. हे सारे तपशिलाने सांगायचे कारण असे की, वाचकांपैकी (आणि फॉर दॅट मॅटर संपादक विभागापैकीही!) कुणाला ‘टीव्हीवरील चर्चातज्ज्ञ’ ही करिअर खुणावत असेल, तर त्या व्यक्तीला अपरिमित संधी आहेत. आलेली संधी साधण्यासाठी स्वत:ची काही पूर्वतयारी असावी, या हेतूने हे लेखन करीत आहे. उत्तम आणि (हुकमी) यशस्वी चर्चातज्ज्ञ होण्यासाठी खालील मुद्दे विशेषत्वाने लक्षात घ्यावे. 1. डोक्यावरील केस काळे नाहीत ना, याची एकवार खात्री करून घ्या. ‘ग्रे केस’ ते ‘गॉन केस’ यापैकी काहीही चालेल, पण काळे केस नको. तज्ज्ञ दिसण्यासाठी ही पहिली अट आहे. 2. सर्वसाधारणपणे लोकप्रिय मत असेल त्याच्याशी नापसंती दर्शवावी. जरी आपण निवडणुकीच्या दिवशी लोकप्रिय उमेदवारास मत देणार असू, तरी ते कटाक्षाने उघड होऊ देऊ नये. 3. आपल्यापेक्षा वेगळे मत व्यक्त करणाऱ्याला शक्यतो बोलूच देऊ नये. ‘तुम्ही अशी विचारांची गळचेपी करू शकत नाही’ अशा वाक्यांची ठेवणीतील अस्त्रे काढून वेगळे मत व्यक्त करणाऱ्याचीच गळचेपी खुबीने करून टाकावी. 4. अगदीच खमक्या निघाला, तर फॅसिस्ट, प्रतिगामी, जात्यंध, बुरसटलेल्या विचारांचा, टिपिकल मध्यमवर्गीय आदी मान्यताप्राप्त शिव्यांची लाखोली वाहावी. 5. प्रचार, मतदान, युत्या-आघाडया, उमेदवार आदी संदर्भातील चर्चेत जातीचे समीकरण, कुठल्या जातीची किती टक्के मत वगैरे चर्चा बेधडकपणे करावी. अशा चर्चांतील जातीच्या उल्लेखांना संमती आहे. जरी निवडणुकीच्या आधी आणि नंतर समतेच्या आणि जातिअंताच्या आणाभाका घेतल्या असल्या, तरी. 6. प्रसंगी मुस्लिमांची मते, ख्रिश्चनांची मते, शिखांची मते अशी चर्चाही खऱ्या-खोटया आकडेवारीनिशी करायला हरकत नाही. 7. पण कटाक्षाने हिंदू, हिंदू समाजाची एकजूट आदी शब्द व शब्दावली वर्ज कराव्यात. समोरून कोणी हिंदू, हिंदू समाजाची एकजूट आदी शब्द जरी काढले, तरी जिवाच्या कराराने तुटून पडावे. या कार्यात आपला आवाज क्षीण वाटला, तरी अन्य चर्चातज्ज्ञ उडी मारून तुमची मदत करतील, याची खात्री बाळगावी. आणि शेवटी, पण महत्त्वाचे.. 8. टॉलस्टॉय, फ्रॉईड, डार्विन, कांट, काफ्का आदी पाश्चात्त्य विचारवंतांची पुस्तके वाचली नाहीत, तरी विकिपीडियामध्ये त्यांच्यासंबंधी असणाऱ्या मजकुरातील निदान पहिला परिच्छेद तरी वाचून जावे आणि मुख्य म्हणजे दर 2-4 मिनिटांनी त्यातील एकाचा उल्लेख अवश्य करावा. वर दिलेल्या आठ टिप्स या सुरुवात करण्यासाठी पुरेशा आहेत. माध्यमांचा उथळपणा आणि तुमची चेपलेली भीड याच्या बळावर आपण नवनवी शिखरे पादाक्रांत करू शकाल, तेव्हा शुभेच्छा

CRICKETERS BETTER THAN POLITICIANS-WORTH READING

Sri Lanka Foreign Minister Late Lakshman Kadirgamar's after-dinner speech OFF THE CUFF, in the UK, at which Sri Lankan Cricketers were present. "Captain Atapattu and members of the Sri Lankan team, Members of the Sri Lankan community, Friends of Sri Lanka, Ladies and Gentlemen, Some historians say, I think uncharitably, that cricket is really a diabolical political strategy, disguised as a game, in fact a substitute for War, invented by the ingenious British to confuse the natives by encouraging them to fight each other instead of their imperial rulers. The world is divided into two camps - those who revel in the intricacies of cricket and those who are totally baffled by it, who cannot figure out why a group of energetic young men should spend days, often in the hot sun or bitter cold, chasing a ball across an open field, hitting it from time to time with a stick - all to the rapturous applause of thousands, now millions, of ecstatic spectators across the world. The game has developed a mystical language of its own that further bewilders those who are already befuddled by its complexities. In the course of my travels I have a hard time explaining to the non-cricketing world - in America , China , Europe and Russia - that a 'googly' is not an Indian sweetmeat; that a 'square cut' is not a choice selection of prime beef; that a 'cover drive' is not a secluded part of the garden; that a 'bouncer' is not a muscular janitor at a night club, that a 'Yorker is not some exotic cocktail mixed in Yorkshire or that a 'leg-break' is not a sinister manoeuvre designed to cripple your opponent's limbs below the waist. Ladies and Gentlemen, let me see whether politics and cricket have anything in common. Both are games. Politicians and cricketers are superficially similar, and yet very different. Both groups are wooed by the cruel public who embrace them today and reject them tomorrow. Cricketers work hard; politicians only pretend to do so. Cricketers are disciplined; discipline is a word unknown to most politicians in any language. Cricketers risk their own limbs in the heat of honourable play; politicians encourage others to risk their limbs in pursuit of fruitless causes while they remain secure in the safety of their pavilions. Cricketers deserve the rewards they get; the people get the politicians they deserve. Cricketers retire young; politicians go on for ever. Cricketers unite the country; politicians divide it. Cricketers accept the umpire's verdict even if they disagree with it; politicians who disagree with an umpire usually get him transferred. Cricketers stick to their team through victory and defeat, politicians in a losing team cross over and join the winning team. Clearly, cricketers are the better breed. It is said that the task of a foreign minister is to lie effusively for his country abroad. That may be true, but it is certainly true that he has to fight for his country and defend it at all times. Our cricketers may recall that in the run-up to the 1995 World Cup, Australia refused to play a match in Colombo , citing security reasons. Shane Warne said he wouldn’t come to Colombo because he couldn't do any shopping there. The press asked me for a comment. I said "shopping is for sissies". There was a storm of protest in Australia ... A TV interviewer asked me whether I had ever played cricket. I said I had played before he was born - without helmets and thigh guards, on matting wickets that were full of holes and stones, and I had my share of broken bones to show it. My friend the Australian foreign minister was drawn into the fray and phoned me. We decided to cool things down. A combined India/Pakistan team came to Colombo at very short notice to play an exhibition match in place of the Australian match. It was a magnificent gesture of South Asian solidarity. Against strong security advice I went on to the field to greet and thank our friends from India and Pakistan . When the whole episode was over I sent a bouquet of flowers to my Australian counterpart. Flowers are also for sissies. I remember vividly the incident that occurred in Australia when Murali was called for throwing and Arjuna led his team to the boundary in protest, but cleverly refrained from crossing it. I was watching TV in Colombo . As a past captain I asked myself what I would have done in Arjuna's place. In my mind I had no hesitation in supporting his decision. A few minutes later the phone rang. The President of the Board called to ask for advice. I said Arjuna was right because a captain must, on the field, stand up for his men and protect them, but the consequences must not be allowed to go too far; good lawyers must be engaged and a reasonable compromise must be reached. That was done. During that tour I paid an official visit to Australia .. My friend the Australian foreign minister in the course of a dinner speech invited me to go with him the next day to Adelaide , his home town, to watch the final day's play. I knew what the result was going to be. In my reply I said that at the end of the match I did not want to be the one to tell him that Australia had "won by a Hair". Accordingly, I went back home, as planned, to maintain the good relations that we have with Australia ... Foreign ministers sometimes find themselves in very difficult situations. Take the case of the Foreign Minister of Uganda. President Idi Amin told him that he wanted to change the name of Uganda to Idi. The minister was asked to canvas world opinion and return in two weeks. He did not do so. He was summoned and asked to explain. He said: "Mr. President, I have been informed that there is a country called Cyprus . Its citizens are called Cypriots; if we change the name of our country to 'Idi' our citizens would be called... Idiots". Reason prevailed. A story goes that a shark was asked why diplomats were his preferred food. He replied "because their brains being small are a tasty morsel, their spines being supple I can chew on them at leisure - and they come delightfully marinaded in alcohol." Ladies and Gentlemen, as I approach the close of this brief address I wish to speak directly to our Sri Lankan team. Today we lost a match. But you lost to the rain and M/s Duckworth and Lewis. You did not lose to England . Only a few weeks ago you had a resounding victory against South Africa . You will win again tomorrow. What is important is to keep up your confidence and spirits. All of us, your fellow countrymen and women, have been enormously impressed in recent times by the commitment, discipline, athleticism and determination that you have displayed in the field. The people are with you. We all know that each and every one of you, are constantly busy honing your skills. We can see that you are maintaining a high standard of physical fitness. When the people see this it gives them not only immense pleasure but the moral upliftment that Sri Lankans are capable of in rising to the challenge of sustained performance. Every team loses. It takes two to play a game. One has to lose. It is the manner in which you play the game which gives the promise of success to come. It is a great pleasure to see how youngsters are being drafted into the national team. Our team is united; it affects all the races and religions of our country. Cricket, like all international sport today, is highly competitive; and so it must be, and so it must remain. It must always be regarded as a very high honour to represent one's country at any sport. All of you are role models for our youth. They will be looking to see how you take defeat. To exult in victory is easy; to remain well balanced in defeat is a mark of maturity. Do not allow yourselves to be disturbed by the armchair critics who will no doubt engage in a display of theoretical learning on how the game was played. Many of these critics have never put bat to ball. It makes them feel good to indulge in the past time of amateur criticism. They do not know what it is to face fast bowling in fading light; to engage in a run race against daunting odds; to find the stamina and sheer physical endurance to spend concentrated hours in the field of play. They know nothing of the psychological pressure that modern sportsmen are subject to. Therefore, my advice to you is - ignore them. Go your way with customary discipline and methodical preparation for the next game, the next series in different parts of the world under different conditions. For me it has been a great pleasure and an honour to be here with you tonight. When I was invited to be the Chief Guest at this occasion on my way to New York for the General Assembly of the United Nations, I accepted with eager anticipation of meeting our cricketers and relaxing for a moment. Nobody told me that I had to make a speech, until last night when it dawned on me then that there is no such thing as a free dinner!”