MY RESUME

My Resume .... 1. My first job was working in an Orange Juice factory, but I got canned. I couldn't concentrate. 2.  Then I worked in the woods as a Lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the axe. 3.  After that, I tried to be a Tailor, but I just wasn't suited for it - mainly because it was a sew-sew job. 4.  Next, I tried working in a Muffler Factory, but that was too exhausting. 5.  Then, I tried to be a Chef - figured it would add a little spice to my life, but I just didn't have the thyme. 6.  I attempted to be a Deli Worker, but any  way I sliced it I couldn't cut the mustard. 7.  My best job was a Musician, but eventually I found I wasn't noteworthy. 8.  I studied a long time to become a Doctor, but I didn't have any patience. 9.  Next, was a job in a Shoe Factory. I tried but I just didn't fit in. 10.  I became a Professional Fisherman, but discovered that I couldn't live on my net income. 11.  I managed to get a good job working for a Pool Maintenance Company, but the work was just too draining. 12.  So then I got a job in a Workout Center , but they said I wasn't fit for the job. 13.  After many years of trying to find steady work, I finally got a job as a Historian - until I realized there was no future in it. 14.  My last job was working in Starbucks, but I had to quit because it was always the same old grind. 15. SO, I TRIED RETIREMENT AND FOUND THAT I'M PERFECT FOR THE JOB