Newton’s laws of marriage Dr Gurpreet Singh Battu-TOI

Newton was a brilliant man.

Then he got married.

As is the norm with every marriage, initial phase was extended honeymoon. Being a thinker, Newton would sit on his working desk and think and ponder about the working of the universe.

“Hello my dear.” His wife would croon while bringing him tea to his desk.

It was almost after eight months that she asked him to get his tea from the kitchen.

“Oh yes.” He responded while deep in his thoughts. He kept sitting and thinking. It was after one hour that his wife went to the kitchen and discovered the tea still sitting on the shelf. Tea was cold. It made Mrs Newton hot with anger.

“What is it with you?” she almost shouted. “You keep on sitting on that chair day in and day out without moving and I have to move all over the house to finish the chores.”

Newton was amazed at the observation of his wife and postulated his first law.

“A body that is at rest, will keep resting. And a body that is moving, will keep moving.”

He had this sense of achievement. But his wife was not impressed.

Things continued in the same manner for some more time. Soon Mrs Newton was fed up with the situation. More than one year after the marriage, she decided to nudge Newton and make him contribute towards household chores.

She went to Newton and shook his chair. “Get up man and help me in setting up the house.”

Newton looked up. He had a look at the face of missus. He knew he will have to postpone his brainstorming sessions and indulge in some bodily chores.

He came back to his desk after finishing the list. He reviewed the whole situation and replayed the scene in his mind over and over again. He realized he moved from his desk because his wife had applied force on him. Then he came up with his second law.

“Acceleration of a body depends upon the force applied to it.”

Now Mrs Newton knew how to get Newton going. She had to apply some force to move from his chair and make him do odd jobs around the house.

Newton made some further observations. His wife responded in a kind manner whenever he helped her. He once forgot to wish her on her birthday as he was very busy thinking about falling bodies. His wife feigned ignorance and did not wish him on his birthday. If he left laundry pending, his wife would add more dirty clothes to it. She cooked meals only if he peeled veggies.

He analysed the situation and came up with his third law.

“Every action has equal and opposite reaction.”

These laws apply perfectly to me. And to everyone around me who is married. I am sure these laws apply to every marriage.

Newton should have named them Laws of Marriage instead of Laws of Motion.

Apologies to Newton for time travel back into his married life